Fwd: Leading Across Style Differences
Leading Across Style Differences
Understanding style differences is essential for good leadership. This article provides some tips for understanding and working with different styles.
There comes a time in the life of every leader when they realize just how very different people are from one another. We all share common ground to be sure, but the way each person shows up in the world is unique. During the past century, many assessments have been developed to take a snapshot of the interior landscape of the human being, to bring light to these differences. These include style and typing tools like the Meyers-Briggs, DiSC, TKI, Enneagram, and many others. All of these provide insight into the human psyche and patterns of personality and behavior. They give us a language and a framework to talk about how we are different, and how we can navigate these differences more successfully, and less painfully.
Learning to work with differences--to value them and capitalize on them--is at the heart of what leaders must do. Here are some key things to remember when you are confronted with differences that are hard to take:
(1) Assume good intentions. It's easy to confuse style differences with bad intentions. Often when someone approaches the world in a very different way than we do, we view these differences as signs that the person is just a trouble maker. Obviously, they are trying to cause us grief. They are difficult, hard to work with, hard to take. They need to change, so that all the people around them won't have to suffer with their unpleasant qualities.
While in some cases this may all be true, more often the person simply has a very different way of being in the world than we do. And because they are so different, we find them difficult to take. It's harder for us to get our needs met in relationship with them, because of how they are, and how we are.
(2) In tough relationships, look at style differences. If you have a challenging relationship at work, look for signs of style differences. If you let go of the idea that the other person has bad intentions, how else could you explain their challenging behavior or communication? Consider these common, challenging style combinations:
One of you is direct, competitive, fast moving and comfortable with change and conflict; while the other is steady, focused on harmonious relationships, and likes to stick with the tried and true.
One of you is quiet, data-oriented, cautious, likes working alone, and doesn't want personal relationships at work; while the other is outgoing, "big picture," loves teamwork, and wants to be everyone's friend.
One of you needs to talk, the other needs to act.
Both of you like to be in control, and to win.
One of you likes to nail things down, the other likes to leave things open-ended.
One of you thinks out loud, the other just shares the outcome of their internal thought process.
Any of these combinations can lead to problems. Once we have the insight that the "problem" is really a difference of styles, we can take steps to make things easier.
(3) Take a step towards their style. Once you determine the nature of the style differences, think about what little steps you might take to accomodate the other person's style. For example, if they communicate in a brief, direct way, try being more brief and direct with them. If they seem to value personal connection, spend a little more time listening, and talking about your personal life. If they seem uncomfortable with change, give them a little more time and space to think over new proposals. If they are highly focused on details, show your appreciation for how their thoroughness contributes to quality, and good decisions. You don't have to become just like them, but if you make a small effort to accomodate their style, they will notice and appreciate it, and it will make things smoother.
(4) Ask them to take a step towards your style. It's also very reasonable for you to let them know what you need from them. If you need more brevity, ask for it! Let them know you want a 1-page report with short bullets, not a 10-pager. If you work better when you can walk around and touch base with people throughout the day, ask them to humor you and to give you a few minutes. If you deeply value personal relationships at work, tell people how supportive and helpful that is for you. And if you yourself have a need for greater detail, ask for it. Don't expect the people around you to become just like you. Instead, be satisfied if they make any small moves to help accomodate your style. The changes may feel small, but they probably represent a real effort.
(5) Sometimes, style really is not the problem. Sometimes people need to be fired because they are poor performers. Sometimes people behave in unethical ways. Sometimes people really do hurt other people to get ahead, or get what they want. These are not style issues. For people who are more aware of stylistic differences, there can be a temptation to believe that every behavior is okay, because they simply reflect different ways of being. But in organizations, not every behavior is okay. People have to do their jobs, achieve their goals, and adhere to some basic norms around responsibility and respectfulness. There is a danger in thinking that everything can be attributed to and resolved through style. Some issues are not fundamentally style issues. Learn to distinguish these and deal with them head-on.
Try making some small moves in the arena of style in the coming week. What are some key style differences you notice in your most challenging relationship? What are some easy ways you can make an accomodation, or request one, to help bridge a style gap?
Nitzberg Coaching
info@nitzbergcoaching.com
www.nitzbergcoaching.com
650-646-8280
Copyright (c) 2010, by Nitzberg Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
Understanding style differences is essential for good leadership. This article provides some tips for understanding and working with different styles.
There comes a time in the life of every leader when they realize just how very different people are from one another. We all share common ground to be sure, but the way each person shows up in the world is unique. During the past century, many assessments have been developed to take a snapshot of the interior landscape of the human being, to bring light to these differences. These include style and typing tools like the Meyers-Briggs, DiSC, TKI, Enneagram, and many others. All of these provide insight into the human psyche and patterns of personality and behavior. They give us a language and a framework to talk about how we are different, and how we can navigate these differences more successfully, and less painfully.
Learning to work with differences--to value them and capitalize on them--is at the heart of what leaders must do. Here are some key things to remember when you are confronted with differences that are hard to take:
(1) Assume good intentions. It's easy to confuse style differences with bad intentions. Often when someone approaches the world in a very different way than we do, we view these differences as signs that the person is just a trouble maker. Obviously, they are trying to cause us grief. They are difficult, hard to work with, hard to take. They need to change, so that all the people around them won't have to suffer with their unpleasant qualities.
While in some cases this may all be true, more often the person simply has a very different way of being in the world than we do. And because they are so different, we find them difficult to take. It's harder for us to get our needs met in relationship with them, because of how they are, and how we are.
(2) In tough relationships, look at style differences. If you have a challenging relationship at work, look for signs of style differences. If you let go of the idea that the other person has bad intentions, how else could you explain their challenging behavior or communication? Consider these common, challenging style combinations:
One of you is direct, competitive, fast moving and comfortable with change and conflict; while the other is steady, focused on harmonious relationships, and likes to stick with the tried and true.
One of you is quiet, data-oriented, cautious, likes working alone, and doesn't want personal relationships at work; while the other is outgoing, "big picture," loves teamwork, and wants to be everyone's friend.
One of you needs to talk, the other needs to act.
Both of you like to be in control, and to win.
One of you likes to nail things down, the other likes to leave things open-ended.
One of you thinks out loud, the other just shares the outcome of their internal thought process.
Any of these combinations can lead to problems. Once we have the insight that the "problem" is really a difference of styles, we can take steps to make things easier.
(3) Take a step towards their style. Once you determine the nature of the style differences, think about what little steps you might take to accomodate the other person's style. For example, if they communicate in a brief, direct way, try being more brief and direct with them. If they seem to value personal connection, spend a little more time listening, and talking about your personal life. If they seem uncomfortable with change, give them a little more time and space to think over new proposals. If they are highly focused on details, show your appreciation for how their thoroughness contributes to quality, and good decisions. You don't have to become just like them, but if you make a small effort to accomodate their style, they will notice and appreciate it, and it will make things smoother.
(4) Ask them to take a step towards your style. It's also very reasonable for you to let them know what you need from them. If you need more brevity, ask for it! Let them know you want a 1-page report with short bullets, not a 10-pager. If you work better when you can walk around and touch base with people throughout the day, ask them to humor you and to give you a few minutes. If you deeply value personal relationships at work, tell people how supportive and helpful that is for you. And if you yourself have a need for greater detail, ask for it. Don't expect the people around you to become just like you. Instead, be satisfied if they make any small moves to help accomodate your style. The changes may feel small, but they probably represent a real effort.
(5) Sometimes, style really is not the problem. Sometimes people need to be fired because they are poor performers. Sometimes people behave in unethical ways. Sometimes people really do hurt other people to get ahead, or get what they want. These are not style issues. For people who are more aware of stylistic differences, there can be a temptation to believe that every behavior is okay, because they simply reflect different ways of being. But in organizations, not every behavior is okay. People have to do their jobs, achieve their goals, and adhere to some basic norms around responsibility and respectfulness. There is a danger in thinking that everything can be attributed to and resolved through style. Some issues are not fundamentally style issues. Learn to distinguish these and deal with them head-on.
Try making some small moves in the arena of style in the coming week. What are some key style differences you notice in your most challenging relationship? What are some easy ways you can make an accomodation, or request one, to help bridge a style gap?
Nitzberg Coaching
info@nitzbergcoaching.com
www.nitzbergcoaching.com
650-646-8280
Copyright (c) 2010, by Nitzberg Coaching. All Rights Reserved.
-- posted by Pooh Bear @
3/26/2010 05:43:00 AM
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