Seinfeld Muffin Top episode
Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr Lippman: So you just eat the tops.
Elaine: Oh yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy, it's explosive,
it's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of (makes hand
motions) does it's own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollor
idea right there. Just sell the tops.
---
Elaine walks into a muffin shop.
Elaine: "Top of the Muffin to you!"?
Mr. Lippman: Top of the muffin to you. Elaine!
Elaine: Mr Lippman?
---
Elaine at the muffin shop.
Elaine: This was my idea you stole my idea.
Mr. Lippman: Elaine these ideas are all in the air. They're in the air.
Elaine: Well if that air is comming out of this face then it is my air
and my idea.
Mr. Lippman: You want a muffin or not?
Elaine: Peach.
---
Elaine and Mr. Lippman at Monk's.
Mr. Lippman: Elaine. I'm in over my head. Nobody likes my muffin tops.
Elaine: So? What do you want me to do about it?
Mr. Lippman: You're the muffin top expert, tell me what I'm doing wrong.
Elaine: Mr. Lippman, when I worked for you at Pendent Publishing, I
believed in you, you know as a man of integrity. But, I saw you in
that paper hat and that aprin...
Mr. Lippman: What if I cut you in for 30% of the profits?
Elaine: Deal. Here's your problem. You're making just the muffin tops.
You've gotta make the *whole* muffin. Then you... Pop the top, toss
the stump. Taste.
Mr. Lippman: Ah. (takes a bite of the top.) Mmmmm. Ah hah?
Elaine: Yeah.
Mr. Lippman: So what do we with the bottoms?
Elaine: I don't know, give em to a soup kitchen.
Mr. Lippman: That's a good idea.
Elaine: And one more thing, you really think we need the exclamation
point? Because, it's not "Top of the Muffin *TO YOU!!!*"
Mr. Lippman: No. No. It is.
---
Elain at the muffin shop.
Elaine: Wow. Look at this. We're cleaning up.
Lippman Oh, Rubin, get me another tray of lowfat cranberry.
Rebecca: Excuse me, I'm Rebecca Demore from the homeless shelter.
Elaine: Oh, hi.
Rebecca: Are you the ones leaveing the muffing pieces behind our shelter?
Elaine: You been enjoying them?
Rebecca: They're just stumps.
Elaine: Well they're perfectly edible.
Rebecca: Oh, so you just assume that the homeless will eat them,
they'll eat anything?
Mr. Lippman: No no, we just thought...
Rebecca: I know what you thought. They don't have homes, they don't
have jobs, what do they need the top of a muffin for? They're lucky to
get the stumps.
Elaine: If the homeless don't like them the homeless don't have to eat them.
Rebecca: The homeless don't like them.
Elaine: Fine.
Rebecca: We've never gotten so many complaints. Every two minutes,
"Where is the top of this muffin? Who ate the rest of this?"
Elaine: We were just trying to help.
Rebecca: Why don't you just drop off some chicken skins and lobster shells.
Elaine: I think I might.
---
Elaine enters
Jerry: Hey, how's business?
Elaine: Ooh, I've got stump troubles. The Sanitation Department won't
get rid of them all, I can't get a truck to haul this stuff until next
week. Meanwhile, I'm sitting on a mountain of stumps.
Kramer: All right, I've got to hose the puke off the floor of the bus.
Elaine: Bus? Wait a minute, wait a minute, bus? You've got a bus?
Kramer: Yeah.
Elaine: You got any room on that thing?
Kramer: Yeah there are a few seats still available.
Elaine: Do you think you could transport some stumps for me? I'll make
it worth your while.
Kramer: Well, if they don't mind sitting in the back.
Elaine: No they don't.
Kramer: Are they war veterans?
Elaine looks at him confused.
---
At the muffin shop.
Mr. Lippman: What is this guy again?
Elaine: They call him a Cleaner. He makes problems go away.
Newman enters.
Newman: Hello Elaine. Where are they?
Elaine: In the back.
Newman: All right, I'm going to need a clean 8 ounce glass.
Mr. Lippman: What is going on here?
Newman: If I'm curt, then I appologize. But as I understand it, we
have a situation here and time is of the essence.
Newman goes to the back room with the muffin stumps and sets down a
cooler and an empty glass. From the cooler he takes out 4 bottles of
milk and sets them down.
He bites into a stump, then takes a drink of milk from the glass.
(continuity error: he never actually poured the glass of milk.) He
swishes the muffin and the milk together and swollows. He takes
another stump.
--- THE END ---
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr Lippman: So you just eat the tops.
Elaine: Oh yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy, it's explosive,
it's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of (makes hand
motions) does it's own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollor
idea right there. Just sell the tops.
---
Elaine walks into a muffin shop.
Elaine: "Top of the Muffin to you!"?
Mr. Lippman: Top of the muffin to you. Elaine!
Elaine: Mr Lippman?
---
Elaine at the muffin shop.
Elaine: This was my idea you stole my idea.
Mr. Lippman: Elaine these ideas are all in the air. They're in the air.
Elaine: Well if that air is comming out of this face then it is my air
and my idea.
Mr. Lippman: You want a muffin or not?
Elaine: Peach.
---
Elaine and Mr. Lippman at Monk's.
Mr. Lippman: Elaine. I'm in over my head. Nobody likes my muffin tops.
Elaine: So? What do you want me to do about it?
Mr. Lippman: You're the muffin top expert, tell me what I'm doing wrong.
Elaine: Mr. Lippman, when I worked for you at Pendent Publishing, I
believed in you, you know as a man of integrity. But, I saw you in
that paper hat and that aprin...
Mr. Lippman: What if I cut you in for 30% of the profits?
Elaine: Deal. Here's your problem. You're making just the muffin tops.
You've gotta make the *whole* muffin. Then you... Pop the top, toss
the stump. Taste.
Mr. Lippman: Ah. (takes a bite of the top.) Mmmmm. Ah hah?
Elaine: Yeah.
Mr. Lippman: So what do we with the bottoms?
Elaine: I don't know, give em to a soup kitchen.
Mr. Lippman: That's a good idea.
Elaine: And one more thing, you really think we need the exclamation
point? Because, it's not "Top of the Muffin *TO YOU!!!*"
Mr. Lippman: No. No. It is.
---
Elain at the muffin shop.
Elaine: Wow. Look at this. We're cleaning up.
Lippman Oh, Rubin, get me another tray of lowfat cranberry.
Rebecca: Excuse me, I'm Rebecca Demore from the homeless shelter.
Elaine: Oh, hi.
Rebecca: Are you the ones leaveing the muffing pieces behind our shelter?
Elaine: You been enjoying them?
Rebecca: They're just stumps.
Elaine: Well they're perfectly edible.
Rebecca: Oh, so you just assume that the homeless will eat them,
they'll eat anything?
Mr. Lippman: No no, we just thought...
Rebecca: I know what you thought. They don't have homes, they don't
have jobs, what do they need the top of a muffin for? They're lucky to
get the stumps.
Elaine: If the homeless don't like them the homeless don't have to eat them.
Rebecca: The homeless don't like them.
Elaine: Fine.
Rebecca: We've never gotten so many complaints. Every two minutes,
"Where is the top of this muffin? Who ate the rest of this?"
Elaine: We were just trying to help.
Rebecca: Why don't you just drop off some chicken skins and lobster shells.
Elaine: I think I might.
---
Elaine enters
Jerry: Hey, how's business?
Elaine: Ooh, I've got stump troubles. The Sanitation Department won't
get rid of them all, I can't get a truck to haul this stuff until next
week. Meanwhile, I'm sitting on a mountain of stumps.
Kramer: All right, I've got to hose the puke off the floor of the bus.
Elaine: Bus? Wait a minute, wait a minute, bus? You've got a bus?
Kramer: Yeah.
Elaine: You got any room on that thing?
Kramer: Yeah there are a few seats still available.
Elaine: Do you think you could transport some stumps for me? I'll make
it worth your while.
Kramer: Well, if they don't mind sitting in the back.
Elaine: No they don't.
Kramer: Are they war veterans?
Elaine looks at him confused.
---
At the muffin shop.
Mr. Lippman: What is this guy again?
Elaine: They call him a Cleaner. He makes problems go away.
Newman enters.
Newman: Hello Elaine. Where are they?
Elaine: In the back.
Newman: All right, I'm going to need a clean 8 ounce glass.
Mr. Lippman: What is going on here?
Newman: If I'm curt, then I appologize. But as I understand it, we
have a situation here and time is of the essence.
Newman goes to the back room with the muffin stumps and sets down a
cooler and an empty glass. From the cooler he takes out 4 bottles of
milk and sets them down.
He bites into a stump, then takes a drink of milk from the glass.
(continuity error: he never actually poured the glass of milk.) He
swishes the muffin and the milk together and swollows. He takes
another stump.
--- THE END ---
-- posted by Pooh Bear @
10/28/2008 09:48:00 AM
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